I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
