I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
