I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
