so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
