R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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