An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
