How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
