no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
