Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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