i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
