Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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