i think my tv is drunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
