A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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