You really coming over, don't trick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You need Xanax blowdarts
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
