There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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