bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
