Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
