I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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