He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
