So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
