I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
