I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
