My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
