O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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