Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
