WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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