ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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