just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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