I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
