I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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