I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
