she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
