I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
