the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
