And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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