So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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