yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
