dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
