We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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