i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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