Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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