She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
