Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
