I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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