we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
