In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
