Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
