remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
