I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
