he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
