god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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