so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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