apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
