the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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