I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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