At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
