just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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