your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't you send me to vm
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
