can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
