at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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