That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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