Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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