I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
