I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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