Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
