I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
