dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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