I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
