Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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