Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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