i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize