Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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