I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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