Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
