This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
