i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
