There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize