Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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