you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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