The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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