she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
