So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
