I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
